Hello World!

Welcome! Tim Burton, Cormac McCarthy, Khaled Hosseini, Neil Gaiman, Ayn Rand, Jack London (Sea Wolf actually), Siddhartha Mukherjee, and Douglas Stuart have had significant influence on my mental framework. Growing up in the deep trenches of Mormonism, and having attended 4 years of seminary in high school followed by 4 years at Brigham Young University-Idaho filled with religion classes; I have spent years studying the KJV of the Old and New Testament as well as the Book of Mormon. Before I get told about the many flaws of the Mormonism culture, please understand I no longer am part of this religion and have spent chunks of time reframing my perspective on how spirituality fits currently. This is a consistent touch and go process.

Recently I stepped down from a nurse management position to get back to bedside while I finish up my last year of the MSN FNP program (family nurse practitioner). I worked as an ICU (intensive care unit) bedside nurse during COVID and have stories to share my dad has urged me to write about. Let’s see how that goes….

Now to the juicy part. I went through profound depression (if profound can be an adjective for depression given its quality and tone?), end of 2022-beginning of 2025. The type of depression included a dent on the couch, all time buffet of fast food, and weight gain of 45 pounds during this time. I was functional- meaning I hid decently this secret lifestyle from coworkers as I took on the nurse manager role for a step-down critical care unit. Work has always been my sneaky best friend, quietly and eagerly keeping me in line with comfort, numbness, distraction, but eventual grief and sadness always found a way to emerge when I was keeping warm the before mentioned dented couch. What comfort this dent brought me. What mental breakage, exhaustion, and grief as I consumed social media, T.V., and tasty treats.

Not much may come from writing this, but it would be nice to put forward these experiences, thoughts, and get your feedback on it. Human connection, as I am learning from my very wise therapist, is the crux of meaning. I am still exploring this idea, as like many of you have experienced, human connection has proved to be an opposing force that has greatly led to the grief and sadness mentioned above. Hmm, but what if he is right? That would be worth remaining here anyway. I look forward to connecting with all of you- cheers!